Escape

I first got the idea from overhearing someone watching "Indiana Jones", the part where he replaces the weight of a gold idol with a bag of sand.
I thought a bag of sand would be regarded with suspicion, so I got the idea or requesting books. Lots of big, heavy books.
It worked and I was able to switch one weight for another, and enjoy limited freedom. For a time.

Then I was discovered, and that was the end of my freedom.

C.B. of Shrub Oak fame guessed why I needed, basically the Encyclopedia, Volumes A - Z .

But my captors didn't. They won't soon make that mistake again.

I have also seen "Papillon" so I think I know what to do with a bag of coconuts and the tide, I just can not remember if it worked, or it ended in five years in the the hotbox.

Next,  I will explain what this, and "Here's Johnnie" have in common, and why you should never have less than six rolls of toilet paper.

Kids

They grow up so fast.
Who knew.

They grow up particularly fast around here, I have discovered. But then, they start them young around here.

I thought they outlawed these around 30 years ago.
Goes to show what I know.

After a brief summer hiatus, I will be back on track as soon as I can.

Enjoy.

How to escape

Part One:

(click here!)  Explanation to come.

For those who need it.
But C. B. guessed, it was the weight.
Congratulations to C.B. !

Things I have learned in the last 72 hours

In no particular order, the things I have learned in the last 72 hours are;


1) how to use toilet paper to escape from "Johnnie" when Jack Nicholson is busting down the bathroom door

2)  How fast a blind kid can run when he has a monkey on his back.


and
3)   You know that saying about glass houses and stones? Well people in wooden houses should be concerned about young people with tomahawks,  because they are persistent, and they practice.

4)  They are well fed, so they don't need Hunger Games, they do it because they like it.

I will explain later when I have more time.

(Big) butt couches, bears and raccoons, Oh my!

Well, it's been a while.
Lets see,  first we went to an auction in Schuykill. You have not been to an auction until you have been to a Schuykill auction.

Here a few decor tips from your ole pal, Maher.
(And they all can be had at the Schuykill auction for a song)
First up, what if you were looking for that little something that says "Home" Something for the middle of the livingroom. Why not a dead bear?

 

A big old bear just too big for the space you had in mind?
They come in "small" as well

Now how is that for an ice-breaker?

"You shot a baby bear?"

"Oh good Lord, no. I bought it at auction.
Can I freshen up your drink?
Here, sit your butt down, I'll be right back."

"On my Schuykill auction ass-sofa"

 It is well appointed with a creative mix of Levi's™ Wrangler™,  Big Yank™ and Oshkosh b'gosh  genuine, over-sized, gently used pant-seats.

Well, if dead bears are not your thing, head on over to Hazleton , PA. 100% urban, pop. 25,000
where mostly they don't have the dead kind at all.
Nope. Hazleton is very modern. (Just you wait until the butt couch craze catches on there)
They only go in for the real deal.

Downtown Hazleton. Next to an office:

(Photo courtesy Maureen W., formerly from parts unknown, currently ensconced in PA)

 What do you do with a bear in your back yard?
You could try to shoot him, scoop out the innards, fill him up with saw dust and make a pretty penny at auction.
Problem with that, is in a few minutes you would find yourself surrounded by, and being harassed by hysterical neighbors, followed by a few car-loads of very pushy cops that don't seem to give a damned about your opinion on the second ammenment.

Next best thing; let them shoot the bear.

(Photo courtesy Maureen W.,  of the Hazleton Quad-City area)

 With a dart or two. then they can stick him in a can

Problem solved.

Unless.

Unless you don't like bears.

Then you can go for the "sun-bleached" dead raccoon look for your house:

Last:

No dead animals? Kids spend too much time on the computer? Want to have hours of fun for boys or girls? Well, welcome back. Welcome back indeed.

The "Welcome back Kotter Kotter" toy for hours of fun. As long as they are not three.

(Oh, come on kids, google it)

Off the top of my head, the only thing missing is...


Yea, you got it...




AS SEEN ON TV.

Last Friday

Last Friday Mary and I went out for dinner. We sat outside and ordered a drink while we looked over the menu. Mary got up and the guy next to me struck up a conversation. Walt is an editor of The Freeland Progress. The paper where I get a lot of my source material. When Mary came back, I said, "This is Walt, he writes for The Freeland Progress" Mary said "did you tell him about your blog?"

"Hussh! No,  I did not tell him,  he works for the paper I use for the inside dope on this berg."

So now I have been emailing Walt, perhaps I will finally get the real dirt.

Next up: Lattimer massacre

The dark side of Freeland PA.





 

July

So here we go. July.

Lets see,
July
01 Creative Ice Cream flavor day
02 UFO Day
03 Complement your mirror day
04 Independence day (in Freeland it is also fry an egg on the sidewalk day)
05 Build a scare crow day
06 Fried chicken day
07 Strawberry sundae day
08 Chocolate day
09 Sugar cookie day
10 Teddy bear picnic day
11 Cheer up the lonely day
12 Pecan pie day
13 Barbershop music day
14 Pandemoniun day
15 Cow appreciation day
16 Fresh spinach day
17 Peach Ice Cream day
18 Caviar day
19 Raspberry cake day
20 Lollipop Day
21 Junk Food Day
22 Hammock day
23 Hot Dog Day
24 Amelia Earhart day
25 Threading the needle day
26 All or nothing day
27 Aunt and Uncle day
28 Milk Chocolate day
29 Lasagna day
30 Cheesecake day
31 Mutts day

Well there it is from Freeland. Not sure if the 30th is about eating cheesecake, or taking, *nudge, nudge, wink, wink* candid photographs.

But, as always, I will keep you posted.