New video intro

I am working on posting more videos on this,

Here is my new intro for the videos.

 Click on the little box on the right to make it bigger.

Old ads and such.

Going to the thrift store, looking over the fifty year old "Harper's Bazaar" and collier's magazines, looking at the old ads and dead product lines, one of the things you learn from old ads is the astonishing number of companies that came and went, leaving expired trademarks, logos, company history and the like. 

 All lost now, done in by foreign competition, changing tastes, leaving only some memories in old ad-guys, like me, guys in nursing homes and a few third-generation kids squandering whatever was left over from the liquidation.

 

Oh well.

 

 

Old videos part 2

Part two, the talent of some children.

Enjoy

They are very good

old videos again

well here they are again, a little hi-jinks this time

Har, Har, Har.


well...
There ya go.


Kevin

Old video files part 1

So,

Here we are in "The Grand Canyon of New York. 2010

Look how high above these goth-chickens they had flying around we were.

Guns and beer

So today we went to a block shoot. You shoot at a target, and the closest one yo the bulls eye wins a turkey, ham ir side of bacon.

Sitting next to me were two people, who, well, lets say were a little too free with the creature. 

 At 10:00am.


The guy was lamenting about his ex-wife and how he hated her, one more sip of beer, it was how much he loved her.  She said, "Well, at least she didn't do what Jim did to me. I got drunk and passed out and he lit fire to the bed while I was in it."

Then they went over to shoot guns.

Wal*Mart

So,

Last week I went to Wal*Mart. Next door to Wal*Mart is a small airport that features NEPA's largest skydiving concern. For $290 you can get one lesson, the rental of one 'chute and a trip up into the wild blue where they will toss you out over Wal*Mart. The idea is you land back at the airport.

As I drove up, I see about six small people exit a plane and tumble earthbound. (Well, they were small to me from my vantage point, they may have been normal sized people on the ground)

As I parked, the young man next to my car said to the girl next to him, "But I don't understand, how did they get the parachutes all the way up there in the first place??"


And he is old enough to vote.

Sept 12 Back on line

So,
I just put my laptops back on line after the summer of being off line.

I will pick up the pace soon, I hope.

 

So. I will begin again soon.

So, July came and went

With out me posting this:

Or this:

Summer is good and the living is easy.

One of the things most of the Maher family *hates* about life here is that Wal*Mart is about the only place to shop for certain items.

I find it amusing.

Like, I go there to get glue and light bulbs and scotch tape™ and stuff, and about once a month the person cashing out in front of me seems totally bewildered when it comes time to pay.

The cashier will say "That will be $72.09"

And the customer acts like Spotlights came on, TV cameras started rolling, and they were handed the Rosetta  Stone, and asked by Alex Trebek to translate it.

In Limerick form.

In English.

After 240 years, the Britts figured it out.

"Today is our independence day!" "Someone hand me a wiener and a beer!" "Where are the eagles?"

"Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
(Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Ho...

Shut ya gob, ya barmy git! APPLE PIE! APPLE PIE!

I guess Holmes said it best when he said

I guess the Britts don't want any more of this:

 

Well, May

So.

It is May here, and do you know what? Half way through we get

 

Snow?      SNOW?

To quote Mr. Peavey, "well now, I wouldn’t say that"


 It was just a little snow.



http://www.mediaheritage.com/mr-peavey/

Just stuff post

NO S-M-O-K-I-N-G! NO SMOKING! 

 Yup it is Twilight Zone day once again.

Oh, I get it, it's your birthday! that must be it! you can't eat hamburgers with peanut butter all the time, right?

If you saw the movie, you would get it.

On another note;

Some how, 

"non-judgmental life coach, please refrain from imposing white, eurocentric perspectives and  implied beliefs, consciously or subconsciously, in the pre-eminence of European culture on my multi-cultured, rainbow inclusive identifying belief system, or I will have to shelter in my safe place over your views on vaping in the gender neutral relief station"

is not the same as 

"Teacher, don't you fill me up with your rules, cuz everybody knows that smokin ain't allowed in school. 

Smokin in the Boys room

Smokin in the Boys room..."

No image, just audio.

Aunt Penny's kitchen.

Tombs, travel and trouble, the adventures of Lawrence Griswold

So,
Poking around the internet, I came across this guy:
Lawrence T. K. Griswold, Jungle Explorer, Adventurer.

In the forward of his book, Tombs, travel and trouble

http://www.amazon.com/Tombs-travel-trouble-Lawrence-Griswold/dp/B00085UOS0

he wrote:

'In fact most of the time I was either scared to death, too busy to think about it all, or just damned annoyed. Adventures, in retrospect are pieces of extremely bad luck that missed a fatal ending. A set of circumstances starts a chain of consequences. If you are in the immediate vicinity the chances are you are about to undergo an adventure. If it turns out fatally for your side, it's a tragedy. If it turns out fatally for the other side or with nobody hurt at all, it's a comedy. One or the other, tragedy or comedy - it's never adventure when it's going on!'

In 1935 he was a passenger on The EMPRESS OF ASIA, under the command of Captain A. V. R. Lovegrove.

They concluded a Pacific crossing upon reaching Vancouver on June 21st, 1935. On this crossing Hawaii was called upon prior to reaching Victoria. Over 100 passengers embarked at Honolulu. The ship reported an uneventful passage. Cargo included mail and a large consignment of general freight.

Lawrence Griswold, however, had in "general freight" boxes of live white monkeys and
cobra snakes for zoological institutions in New York and Washington.

Try getting a box of cobras and another of monkeys, of any color, on a ship today.

In fact, today you would get Samuel Jackson beefing about "Snakes on a Boat"

Later, while exploring South America, he noted

"When I got clear [of the jungle] there wasn't a man in sight. As I stood looking for one of the foremen, another of the mestizos broke out of the forest to my left
about thirty feet away. Dressed only in cotton pants he carried his
machete threateningly and his expression was murderous. He loped toward
me, his body bent slightly forward and the long machete swinging easily
from his right hand.

Everything suddenly seemed perfectly simple.
I stood my ground, raised the revolver and shot him."

Sounds like I think I have heard this before.

 http://raven.theraider.net/archive/index.php/t-22928.html

April Fun Facts:

01 International fun at work day
02 Peanut butter and jelly day
03 Tweed day
04 Walk around things day
05 Go for broke day
06 Sorry Charlie day
07 No housework day
08 Carmel popcorn day
09 Winston Chirchill day
10 Golfer's day
11 Eight track day
12 Big wind day
13 Scrabble day
14 Pecan day
15 Rubber eraser day*
16 Eggs Benedict day
17 Bat Appreciation day
18 Juggler's day
19 Garlic day
20 Look alike day
21 High five day
22 Jelly bean day
23 Zucchini day
24 Pig in a blanket day
25 Penguin day
26 Pretzel day
27 Babe Ruth day
28 Astronomy day
29 Arbor day
30 Hairstyle Appreciation day

*The rubber eraser, called "the plug," by those in the know, is the part people use to erase the errors they make with a pencil. An ingredient called "factice" is what does the erasing. It is a product made with rape-seed oil from the Dutch East Indies mixed with sulfur chloride. Rubber, contrary to the common notion, is only for binding purposes.
So now you know.

April

One year.
Lets see If I can keep this going.


So,
Last month I decided to try the cuisine at the Wyoming Valley Medical Center.
Veggie broth for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Near the end of my stay they let me have orange Jello™ and vanilla ice cream.




So I never got around to the St. Patrick's Day extravaganza.


You know St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland?
Know what he said when he did?

"You boys comfy back there?"

So now we are in New Hope, PA and a quick trip over to Longwood Gardens, one of the DuPont homes, now a public garden.

The DuPont folks didn't like the fact they could not grow oranges in PA so they built an indoor citrus garden, heated by four boilers that used 150,000 gallons of fuel per year so they could have fresh OJ any time. The oranges and limes didn't work out, so they had them torn out and replaced with tropical palms and orchids.

And a bunch of other bushes and leafy green things.

At one point, I said to Mary "this place needs little brightly colored birds and snakes."

A moment later a guy walked past me and said to his family "this place needs a bunch of little monkeys."

 

I think snakes would be better, somehow.

 

But that is just one guys opinion.

 

Good Friday

Jesus:  "I am the good shepherd. I lay down my life for My sheep. No-one takes my life from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down and the power to take it up again. This command is from my Father."

 

Satan: "No one man can carry this burden, I tell you. It is far too heavy. Saving their souls is too costly.

No-one. Ever. 

No.    Never."

Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

Luke: I can eat fifty eggs.
Dragline: Nobody can eat fifty eggs.
Society Red: You just said he could eat anything.
Dragline: Did you ever eat fifty eggs?
Luke: Nobody ever eat fifty eggs.
Prisoner: Hey, Babalugats. We got a bet here.
Dragline: My boy says he can eat fifty eggs, he can eat fifty eggs.
Loudmouth Steve: Yeah, but in how long?
Luke: A hour.
Society Red: Well, I believe I'll take part of that wager.

  George Harris Kennedy Jr.
Born: February 18, 1925 in New York City, New York, USA

Died: February 28, 2016 (age 91) in Boise, Idaho, USA 

One of his first roles in film was that of a slave in Spartacus (1960). When the crowd was asked for Spartacus, he was the last close-up of a slave yelling, "I am Spartacus".

A former Army career soldier, Kennedy attacked Cary Grant with a steel claw, pursued Joan Crawford with an ax, attempted to assassinate Gregory Peck, and kicked Jeff Bridges to death.

Due to his tall, enormously broad frame, Kennedy was frequently cast in the 1960s and 1970s as bullies and thugs, and had the distinction of brutalizing stars like Cary Grant, Paul Newman and Clint Eastwood on-screen while gaining a reputation off-screen as one of the nicest actors around. 

So,  he attacked Cary Grant with a steel claw, pursued Joan Crawford with an ax, attempted to assassinate Gregory Peck, and kicked Jeff Bridges to death on camera, not in real life.

St. Patrick's day 3

St. Patrick's day 2

St Patrick's day 1

This is actually from a while ago, but I thought I would share it with anyone still reading this.

March in Freeland

 The Big Doubleya

landscaped for the movie, The fictional Santa Rosita State Park is off limits to the
general public today. 

 Well, I haven't mentioned the special days in Freeland lately, then today I realized I have been doing this for almost a year.

So Here it is:

01 Pig Day
02 Old stuff day
03 If pets had thumbs day
04 Walk to work day
05 Multiple personalities day
06 Dentist day
07 Frozen food day
08 Be nasty day
09 panic day (I seem to think this is a repeat, that there is another panic day in Freeland)
10 Middle name day
11 Worship tools day
12 Paint a flower day
13 Jewel day
14 Potato chip day
15 Everything you think is wrong day
16 Everything you do is right day
17 Submarine day (Sandwich or boat, your call)
18 Goddess of fertility day
19 Quilting day
20 Extraterrestrial abduction day
21 Fragrance day
22 Goof off day
23 Chip and dip day
24 Chocolate covered raisin day
25 Waffle day
26 Make up your own holiday day
27 Spinach day
28 Something on a stick day
29 Mom and Pop business day
30 Walk in the park day
31 Bunsen burner day

"Then what happens next? I'll tell you what happens: Then they all decide that I'm supposed to get a smaller share! That I'm somebody extra special stupid, or something! That they don't even care if it's a democracy! And in a democracy, it don't matter how stupid you are, you still get an equal share!"

Things I have not seen

So,
Last night the wind was whipping mad, there was thunder and lightning and the rain was coming down it torrents. I thought, thunder? lightning? in February?


My trash barrels blew across the side of my house and ended up in the yard between my house and the 1/2 double (duplex to people in the real world) across from us. And the trash was everywhere. Still in the bags.

This morning I went out to clean up the mess, and the voice on the radio said it was a hurricane that blew through here last night. 

A hurricane.

In Freeland.

In February.

As I was picking up the trash, it occurred to me, of all the stuff I have seen in the last year here in Freeland PA, the only thing I have never seen...


raccoons.

Not a one.

Ever.

You have to drive to Drums, White Haven or Conyngham to even see a dead one on the side of the road. Not here though.

Then I remembered.

Last year my neighbor, Robert  told me what is what.

The government is spraying Freeland with a secret chemical and that is why there are no raccoons. Or chipmunks.

I said I see a boatload of no fear fat rabbits, that sit in my yard that I can just walk up to.

"The government engineered them."

"They also killed Tesla, and stole his "Weather-control-device" to manipulate the price of oil."

Um, Robert.
You said you were in the Air Force at one time. Do you remember handling barrels marked "Agent Orange" or anything along those lines that you were asked not to talk about?  You know, stuff in crates brought in by dudes that did not talk at all, driving trucks with no plates or markings of any kind?

Anything like that?

 Robert?

Robert?






Robert?

Catching the Westbound

What do these people have in common?

THE HARDROCK KID       
MOUNTAIN DEW
SLOW MOTION SHORTY         
CONNECTICUT SLIM
PENNSYLVANIA KID       
HAFEY ZALE
A MAN CALLED JOHN       
IOWA BOB
LORD OPEN ROAD            
CARDBOARD
HOBO HERB               
SLIM JIM
TEXAS BOB                  
Fr. JOHN BRICKLEY
CALAMITY JANE               
STICK CHICK
HOBO JOE           
CINDERBOX CINDY
HOBO QUEEN DERAIL       
SALLY LADY
FISHBONES           
LIBERTY JUSTICE
PREACHER STEVE               
FRY PAN JACK
IOWA BLACKIE              
 ROADHOG USA
RAILROAD RANDY             
ALABAMA HOBO
SIDEDOOR PULLMAN KID       
GRUMP
HOBO MINSTREL              
MILWAUKEE MIKE
STRETCH

They are all still riding the rails, they all caught the Westbound. For the last time.

They are all buried in the Hobo cemetery in Brit Iowa.
Check out the shoes. Bet he took it on the arches more than once.

The hobos may seem like an unsavory lot, but the hobos did live by a code. The Hobo code. They had signs they would mark to signal other hobos.

The hobo sign left at the entrance to this house (c. 1934) means a hobo can get something to eat inside. 

 

other signs, marked in chalk, or with a pen-knife on a fence-post included these:

 /// means this is not a safe place.
/\ means a beating awaits you.
WXN Dog is barking, do he bite?
△△△△ Kind woman, tell a sob story for free food.
# you will go to jail here.
Plus so many others.


The code demonstrates that to be a successful hobo, you have to trust while being untrustworthy, and distrust while being honest.

Kinda like Han Solo.

Or Captain Jack Sparrow.

Connecticut Shorty’s father Connecticut Slim, rode the rails for 44 years before catching the Westbound in 1990. Now in her 50's she jumps the trains and travels the country.

Said Shorty “Even if people did have a family that supported them, if you start tattooing your face and smoking crack they’re going to start looking at you different."

Good point, Shorty.

So,
Every August, hundreds of hobos and hobo aficionados from across America gather in Britt, Iowa for the National Hobo Convention. I guess to toast hobos, eat fried dough and ride the Tilt-A-Whirl.


Until the whistle blows down at the train yard.



Then the music stops, and everyone shambles off.

"...So I said to the farmer, OK, but why does the pig have a wooden leg?"
"And he said, get this,

A PIG THAT GOOD YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT ALL AT ONCE!"

Shorty, I am going to kill you tonight while you sleep.

boring

So,
It has been a boring week in Freeland PA.
No cops were harassed by slacker, tattooed underachievers. That I am aware of.

No houses burnt to the ground.  That I am aware of.

Nothing.

Just quiet nothingness. It is starting to get warm again so perhaps things will pick up.

Ha.

This town is smaller than Ward Pound Ridge Reservation by about 1700 acres.

On the plus side, the pizzeria that burnt down has been rebuilt, so now we are back to three take-out joints within a twenty minute drive. Sorrento's pizza, The Garlic knot and Garden Chen.

The Garden Chen.

On another note; I am saving up my money to buy a Plasma Torch. You can see plasma in the form of lightning, for example. A plasma torch can generate heat an much as over  6,000 degrees Celsius. That is 10,832 degrees Fahrenheit. Hotter than the surface of the sun.

I have a short list of people I will shoot in the ass when I get my plasma torch

  Only not like Ghostbusters™ the plasma torch is real.

They have them today.

And they work. For real.

Click on the link above (or here) to find out how it works, and to show I am not making this up.

Freeland Beautification Project

The ongoing Freeland battle with urban blight hit a high note last week, when the town tore down the multi-family house at 727-729 Front St.

And located at 609 Centre St. The Seitzinger Building is next.

Built in 1918 for Robert L. Seitzinger's pharmacy it had several apartments upstairs.

Robert L. passed in 1971, and the building has been vacant since 1991.

This is the place with the sign in the window; "Here's to our lives being meaningless, and how beautiful it is because freedom doesn't have a purpose!"

Go figure.


Next topic: Saturday the temperature here is supposed to be -8°. You know what that means? Yup. everyone wears hats. And we all walk around indoors looking like Yahoo Serious.

Most people under 30 are thinking "What's Yahoo Serious?"

Most people over 30 are thinking "What's Yahoo Serious?"

Before there was Yahoo the internet thing, before there was Carrot-Top the idiot thing, there was Yahoo Serious.

He actually went to court and had his name changed from Greg Pead to Yahoo Serious. If you were home that night in 1988, HBO aired  his film, Young Einstein, or perhaps you saw the VHS tape at Blockbuster™ but didn't rent it.

Or did.

It was the 80's after all.

 Anyhow,


this is how people look after wearing a wool cap all morning.

 Just thought of wool hat hair  and wanted to mention that.

Pennsylvania Welcomes you

So,
Allentown?
It's real.
It's not just made up by Billy Joel.
It's a real city with buildings and people and a dry ice factory and everything. Except the steel and coal joints are all shuttered.

It's like, I  used to think all groundhogs came out of hibernation in early February,  then I find out it is only one.

Punxsutawney Phil.

And even that is a sham. It is not even hibernating, they push it out of it's hole.

And if it dies, they just get another.
Go figure.


Then I find out folks here can tell the difference between Mennonite people

and Amish people

I still have a lot to learn.

Smoke um if ya got um. Or not.

So,

I was in Dollar World today, and the Freeland PA police chief was in front of me.

He wanted to buy two Monster™ drinks.

And a pack of smokes.

The tattooed, pierced-all over-the face girl behind the counter unlocked the cabinet and brought out a pack, and said "Is this the kind you want?"

"Yes, thank you"

"OK, I will just have to see some I.D." she said to the guy with a badge, gun, mace, taser, baton and hand-cuffs.

He said you are carding me? She said "Well I have to, there is a cop in the store." (him)
He said that he left his wallet in his car back at THE POLICE STATION.

She unlocked the case, put the cigarettes back, locked the case and put away the keys.

"You're kidding me"

"Nope. No I.D. no smokes. Period."



I don't think I would like very much to be a passenger in her car any time soon.

odd and ends again.

Ok
So getting back into the blog thing (Blogging is not writing. It's just graffiti with punctuation.
- Dr. Ian Sussman:
 Contagion (2011)
Anyhow, I see this tree when I am on South street, it is in the woods. Where else would a tree be? well this one is special.

 

That one. See it? 

Lets get closer:

Someone carved it into a small totem pole.

Out in the woods.

Go figure.

Another note; 

The whole time we lived here I have seen a rock formation that goes down into a sort of pit or something. It looks sort of like a lava flow, but I am sure there were never volcanoes in NEPA.

Then I saw what was up. 

for six months I have tried to get a picture. But it is like Bigfoot.

Today I got a Bigfoot quality photo

 There. See it?

It is a cement mixer dumping unused cement down a ditch.

I think that in New York, Connecticut or California you would get off easier if you kidnapped and killed a child rather then dumping waste cement into a ditch.   

We do things differently here in NEPA.

 Last,  

The computer guy (fixing a workstation for me) said that there are a lot of heroine junkies in town and they rob homes when the people are away.

Mrs. Maher said, "good thing you are home a lot" 

I said,  quietly,

yes.

I am.  

Sometimes things just do not connect

I know it has been a while, but the holidays and family and stuff.

So,

I was up at Weis, the big supermarket in the Hazleton Quad City area, and I asked an employee where I might find cheese cloth.

"Cheese? Cloth?"

Yes, it is used in the kitchen for baking and straining.

"Hold on a sec, Hey Joe do we have cheese cloth?"

"Cheese? Cloth?"

Ok, It is not cloth made of cheese, it is like gauze but not used for bandaging, you use it like a sieve.

For straining stuff.

"A sieve. 

No. 

We don't carry that here. Try Lowe's."

Look, Lowes is a hardware store, cheese cloth is used in cooking. Do you know what a sieve is?

"Um, no, but I think they have that at Lowe's, try over there."

<Whispers at the bus stop
I heard about nights out in the school yard
Oksana Baiul

Oksana Baiul

Gin Blossoms, c 1993>

Same planet, different lyrics.

 

I used to work with a woman that had a friend that had a brother that thought those were the words to that song. 

When ever I realize that I am talking to someone in the same language but we can not communicate I think of that song. 

OK, Let me get this straight, Lowe's, the "Home improvement warehouse" has a baking section?

"Yup, They have that cloth thing you are looking for."

I found it on my own. Isle 7, between the Teflon frying pans and the sieves.